My Life - On My Own

My shrink says don't write about something boring, write about your life!!!  She says I've lived an interesting life and I am aware that I have alot of experiences that many folks do not share.  She sees me as rather entertaining and I am - I can be super silly and fun but when alone I have to admit that I am much more serious.  Although still maybe more silly than most ... idk.  Why am I writing though?  I would like to help people.  I have been told soo many times in my life when going through one ordeal or another that someday all these experiences will add up to me being able to really help someone else.  And I have been told a time or two by people that I REALLY have helped them through something.  I don't know why I should want to do that on a bigger scale as even helping one person is SUPER powerful to me  in terms of being rewarding.  It DOES make all the heartache worth it (or at least gives it a good deal of meaning).  It may even seem a bit egotistical to think that I have so much experience that it can be brought to bear to help others.  idk

Bottom line though is that my motives are pure.  I am no longer writing to make some sales as that website is shut down!  At least for the time being (I haven't given up on making bath/beauty products but rather I am going to take a class on how to build a better website!).   We all have to make a living right - not really.  I am disabled as a result of being bipolar (and I have Connective Tissue Disorder and Fibromyalgia as well which.... I had been in a remission but the pain in the last couple weeks seems to be creeping back.  I hope that does not happen.  It has been GLORIOUS being able to do what I want and walk and whatnot.  Being unable to walk is NOT FUN!  Previous to about 8 months ago I hadn't been able to walk for more than 5 minutes at a time to the point where I couldn't go to say a fair or the beach, stand in line at the bank, etc... due to just not being able to get around because of heavy-duty pain issues.  I wish I had taken the opportunity when laid before me to go do one of those things!!  But no one in my family was going - I guess I could have gone by myself.)  Oh yes On My Own.  I live alone - probably shouldn't advertise that but it is rather unusual for folks nowadays to live alone for long periods.  Usually folks have either a spouse or a child or SOMEONE important that they spend their time with and/or live with.

Living alone for years at a stretch - like 8 years now - has been both empowering and I must admit a tad lonely.  One really has to do for themselves what many (women  especially) have a hard time doing and that is build themselves up as there is no one there to pat you on the back when you do well or give you a hug when you mess up or are feeling down.  No one to even mirror your experiences against.  And one can tend to experience some paranoia from being alone for days at a stretch over and over.  Many folk long to spend some time alone - this is only good for short term.  I'd say most folks would go a little bonkers after being alone for more than 3 days.  Even if you had been longing for some alone-time!  Alot of folks say NO WAY - but really one must experience it for themselves - it has been written about elsewhere and it is pretty well universal that if one spends too much time alone they get a little weird!  LOL  It takes strength - whether you've got that or not to make it through on your own!  You will find that strength somewhere inside you, even if it was hiding, just to get by!!

I'm going to let that stand as an introduction to this part of the blog.  Have a Great Day!

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